Embrace The Unknown

I am still processing what happened on Wednesday.

I didn’t see it coming. It hit me hard. I could not stop it.

Have you ever been minding your business thinking life was good that you were on the right track headed in the right direction, than all of a sudden life hits you?

Smack!

Life has teeth. Sometimes it bites you, leaving you wondering what happened.

The question why reverberates in your mind, heart, and soul. Why me, why did this happen. Why.

That question haunts and hunts you. No answer comes. No answer is coming.

Sometimes life hits you so hard all you can do is change the question.

The question why becomes the question now what.

What do I do with this? How do I proceed from here?

Maybe, you too are in the midst of the unknown facing something dark and foreboding. You’re not sure what to do where to turn how to go on. If so, I hope my words will help.

Wednesday morning, I was getting ready for work. I hopped in the shower with no troubles. When I finished washing myself as I was toweling off the world was spinning and racing and tilting. I felt like I was on a nightmare carnival ride. I went into my room, without falling that was good. Sitting on the edge of my bed, the world righted itself. It stopped spinning and racing and tilting. I went downstairs to get breakfast. By the time I got downstairs not only was the world spinning and racing and tilting again, but I had the awful feeling that I was going to blow chunks, vomit, regurgitate. I sat down. Something was going coming up—food, bile, blood—I didn’t know, but it was coming. Darkness, I was gone, out. The next thing, my brother was over me, my mom was screaming in the phone, and the paramedics come in and I was telling them what happened.

All signs pointed to my having a heart attack.

I was rushed to the ER.

I want to take a moment and personally thank all who work in the healthcare field—the EMTS, nurses, doctors, techs, everyone. Thank you. You are all awesome.

My pastors came in talked with me, prayed with and for me and showed their love and concern. I thank them too. No words that even I a burgeoning word artist (writer) can describe how awesome they are and how much it means to me that they took time out of their busy schedule to check on me.

I spent the whole day in the ER strapped, wired, poked, prodded, and shaken. The tests said that I didn’t have a heart attack and a stress test the following day indicates that I have a strong, young heart. I don’t know what happened. I will do all I can to find out and take care of it.

I was at church today. It felt good like coming home after a long, hard journey.

I am beyond why. I didn’t question my faith. Good people took care of me from my family, my pastors, and the medical staff. What, where, and how ricochet. I am not the same person or in the same place as I was before that fateful shower. I am different. I am unsure. I am unable to answer those questions. Yet, even in the unknown and doubt I trust that this too is holy. It will shape and form me into the person I am to be to do what I am supposed to do. I trust that there is blessing in this trail. I trust that God is here.

We all face darkness, unknown, doubt, and trail. We should not run and hide from it, but embrace it seeing it as the holy blessing that everything in life is and can be if only we have eyes to see and ears to hear.

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