I Am Not Doomed!

If you, dear reader read my previous Doomed (blessed) To Be Single you may know that this has been a tough week.

I liked a girl. She’s amazing. Awesome is the word I used with her. She was flattered, wants to be my friend, and yet she doesn’t want to date me. That is fine.

I was not upset with or at her. What upset me the most was yet another potential romance blew up in my face. Another setback. Another obstacle to romance bliss.

I would like to respond to myself. I was upset, maybe a little unbalanced. Now, I am saner and calmer and can respond from a better place.

I would like to thank all my friends and readers who sent their support and disagreed with my main point. I cannot possibly say how much I appreciate their kindness.

One thing I was wrong about in my rant about singleness was I said being pastoral and being nice are the same. They are not. My pastor pointed out to me that being pastoral is about the intent of what you do. You love and serve because that is your calling not just to be a nice guy. Pastors are not always nice, but they should always be loving and God-centered.

I might have comes across saying that being nice made me a weenie. I am not a weenie. I am not a macho jerk either. I fall somewhere between the two. I am a nice guy and that is a good thing. If more of us were nice and thought of the other person at least as much as we consider ourselves than our world would be so much better. Everyone is in the midst of a great battle, so we should treat each other with loving kindness and not make life any harder than it is. If our religion does not make us kinder, more loving, more peaceful, saner, joy-filled, and forgiving than it is worthless. It should be discarded and the sooner the better. It’s not about being religious or good, it’s about surrendering to the love of God.

I passed absolute and final judgment on myself. I would never treat someone else in such a brutal, heartless way, yet I had no problem doing it with myself. I was having a bad day that does not excuse my behavior towards myself though. I can love and serve others. I can be kind to strangers and friends, but I tend to treat myself much, much worse. I am my own harshest critic. Each time I put myself down, each time I scorn myself I sin against the Almighty God. Each time I scorn myself I scorn all the work that God has invested in me and all the plans that Our Father intends to realize in and through my life.

I need to stop beating myself up. I need to start loving myself. Not in some ego, me-first way, but in such a way that I will be more able and more willing to share and express more love, compassion, and joy towards other people. If I am to love God and love others, I need to truly love myself. It may start with myself, but it must radiate outward to God and all of creation. That is what it means to love where there is hate and seek not to be loved as to love.

Brennan Manning: The compassion of Jesus is the compassion of Almighty God, and Jesus says to your heart and mine tonight, “Don’t ever be so foolish as to measure my compassion for you in terms of your compassion for one another. Don’t ever be so silly as to compare your thin, pallid, wavering, moody depending on smooth circumstances human compassion with mine. For I am God as well as man.” Your Christian life and mine don’t make any sense unless in the depths of our being we believe that Jesus not only knows what hurts us, but knowing seeks us out, whatever our poverty, whatever our pain. His plea to his people is come now wounded, frightened, angry, lonely, empty and I’ll meet you where you live. And I’ll love you as you are not as you should be.

Ok. I don’t have a girlfriend. So what!

Jesus doesn’t care about that as much as he cares about how I handle the present moment. How I live now is the important thing. He will handle the future. I must be as loving, as kind, and as joy-filled as I can now and let God handle the rest. It is the present moment where Jesus meets me and wants me to live so I can express God’s unfathomable, unconditional, and limitless love and grace for others.

I may find the love I seek or I may be sent somewhere to be the hands and feet of God in a broken world. I would hope I could do both. If I must choose I would much rather be an instrument of God’s peace in a broken world than a mere boyfriend. If I am to find Mrs. Robby (as one dear friend put it), I want the finding and the relationship to bless the world for the glory of God alone.

If any of you are suffering singleness than my hope, my prayer is that you wake up to the present moment and be as loving, as kind, and as joy-filled as you can. Jesus wants to meet you where you are. God loves you, as you are no strings attached, but loves you way too much to leave you that way.

God bless you!


  1. This was good to read. I was concerned about you. In everything that you share, you point out that the Christian life is not always perfect, and I appreciate that so much. I think that as long as you project Christ-like qualities, you will attract the right people and eventually the right person as God wills.

    • Thank you. I had a few rough days, but I am fine. Life is messy, but with God all things are possible.

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