Doomed To Be Single
Ok. This has been on my mind for some time. It’s not new. This post will not be for all—you might want to switch the channel, click on another page, or turn your computer off and do something else. I am going to get real. This is one of my struggles. Since this my blog and I try to be as real, open, and transparent as I can I believe that this post belongs as much as any other I have written. It may not be as theological or orthodox as some; it may not be as pastoral or encouigng as some; it may not be as edgy or hip as some. Yet, it is from me. It is personal. It may help some who are struggling with the same thing or it might not. I am not writing it for that. I am witting it to get off my chest and release it to the universe, maybe you dear reader will have some suggestion, advice, or thoughts on it. I must ask you to be kind and constructive with your comments, though.
It seems that I am both blessed and cursed with being a nice guy.
That’s what girls say, “You’re a nice guy.” They say it in such a way that I assume and they tend to agree that it’s a good thing, but they don’t date the nice guy. In my past experience, girls don’t date the nice guy.
Customers’ especially elderly ladies comment on my kindness and pleasant demeanor. I say please, thank you, I say sir and ma’am. They like it.
My pastor has said that I am good at being pastoral, which I take as a theological way of saying I am nice.
I am not saying that being nice is a bad thing. I am not saying that it makes me defective. I am not saying that I will become an arrogant jerk. No. Not at all. If my being nice, my wanting to love and serve all doesn’t make me good boyfriend material then so be it.
My question: Am I doomed to be single?
That is my question. I am not sure that I want kids; though I know I would be a good father. I know I would make an awesome boyfriend and eventually husband. I would treat her well. I am a nice guy after all. I am. Everyone says it. They do. I think if you ask anyone who knows me, they would say it. I am not perfect. I have made mistakes and always will. I have my issues. Yet, I can honestly say that I am better than I used to be. I committed to growing into the person that God made me to be.
That question remains. It gnaws at my heart and soul. It eats away at me.
I am so tired of being single. I don’t like to complain. I enjoy life and am happy. I have a lot going on in life—school, church, work. I have goals. I am working towards them. Every day, I wonder if I will ever have a girlfriend or experience a true love affair. It hurts to not have that one special person. I am a romantic person and know that at the heart of the universe is love. Love is the fundamental reality. I have tried being more social, more open, but I just feel awkward. I wonder if I am broken, cursed, doomed. I wonder if I will ever be loved in that way by a girl that I find myself attracted to, that I will ever find a girl who likes me as much as I like her. At the same time, I like me as a person and I know that God has an endless, unconditional love for me.
If I am a nice guy, if God loves me, and I am saved through Jesus Christ, why am I still single?
Another question has started to haunt me. This question is in some ways is worse.
That question: Do I need to have a romantic relationship?
Do I need to have a girlfriend/wife to get all I want out of life?
I want continue my blog, also write spiritual/theological books, a novel or two or three, go to seminary, become a pastor, preach the gospel of grace, study the bible, help others, and travel. So, do I need to find a girlfriend/wife to accomplish any of these things? I think not. Most of my pursuits are solitary occupations. I don’t need someone next to me to accomplish them, yet still I would like to have that special someone to share my life with and to share in her life.
In 1 Corinthians, Paul writes, “Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some… singleness might well be the best thing… unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God.”
I might have to accept that I will be single for the rest of my life.
Is it a curse or a blessing, am I doomed or blessed to be single?
Maybe, God is blessing me with singleness.
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