Take And Receive

There are things everyday to be grateful for, usually they slip by without our notice. I have been trying to be more aware of them. For me recently, passing my classes with a good grade, a cup of coffee, personal healing, my brother’s surgery check-up going well, and having a juicy hamburger for lunch, having a blog people like that allows me to talk about my journey with God. These are small things and I am sure I could list more if I wanted to. Some of these things normally I would praise God, others not. I think we need to be more aware of the small everyday things we are blessed with and thank God for them. By doing this, we may see more of these blessings, mostly because we will be looking for them.

Each day regrets divide our heart. I often do, or don’t do, think, say something that causes regret to creep into my heart. I’m sure I am not alone. Regret latches onto our heart and slows down our movement to being more Christ-like and living the gospel life. Today, I had bad thoughts about a man who sat before me on the bus. He had a distinct smell that was not good. I shouldn’t have thought what I did. I should have said a prayer for him instead of thinking of myself.  Also, I have been getting more cynical about the lack of romance in my life. There is someone I have been crushing on and I think she knows it and feels the same way, but I am not comfortable asking her out due to my limited income.

I have a list of people I hate. The list seems to be getting longer. I know I should love them or at least show them kindness. My ill feelings are not causing them any pain, but it is hampering my desire to live life fully and sanely. I pray God will take these sour feelings from my heart and make me into someone who doesn’t have such strong feelings of revulsion towards others.

My heart is divided over fears of the future. Some days I fear even though, I am in school and bettering myself that I will never have a good job. That I will be stuck living with my parents and I will never be in a loving, mature relationship. Some days, I am not even grateful for the job I have now. It’s not a great job and doesn’t provide much, but at least I have a job. Many other people don’t have a job at all. This makes me sad and that’s no way to live life.

I pray for the same thing that St. Ignatius prayed for—Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding and my entire will.  Give me only Your love and Your grace and I am rich enough and ask for nothing more.

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