The Me I Want To Be

There is a me I want to be.

This me is not a me that I am most of the time.

Yet, I have noticed that over the last few months I am becoming this me more and more. I am not there yet. I may never arrive completely at the me I want to be, but that doesn’t stop me from stretching towards this me.

I sense at times a me waiting to be born, to be unleashed on the world. The first bible verse that spoke to me and led me to faith in Jesus Christ was John 10:10: I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. This line still speaks to me. I know that there is more to life than I often experience.

This ‘more’ leads to seek God and learn about His ways and His will for my life.

At other times, I fail to live up to the best within me. I disappoint myself. I fail to express and extend my faith that Jesus is God and came to earth died for my sins, that I am called to follow Jesus, have a personal relationship with God and that God loves me beyond anything I could ever do. God’s love, grace, and call for my life are not based on my performance, but on the goodness of God.

I want to live up to and towards the love and grace of God lavished on me and guide others into a relationship with the Creator King of the universe.

I want to experience all life has to offer and live life to the full. I want to share my life with someone special and be in community with others who feel the same as I do. I want to be in the world and not of the world. I don’t want to hide in monastery or under my bed, but face the world knowing that as I do God is with me.

This does not mean I must stop my thinking, seeking, and learning; that I must not be creative or curious; that I must conform to some idealized mold even a Christian one. It means to continue thinking, seeking, and learning for myself and to share what I find with others. It means that I will ever so slowly become more of the person God made me to be. God had a plan for my life even before my parents met and considered building a life and family together. Everything that has happened to me, both the good and bad happened so that I might experience the unlimited and unconditional love and grace of God.

I don’t like it when darkness falls on my life, but I shouldn’t let it destroy me. I should use it to deepen my compassion, love, hope, and faith.

As the song says: Blessed Be Your Name/ In the land that is plentiful/ Where Your streams of abundance flow/ Blessed be Your name/ When I’m found in the desert place/ Though I walk through the wilderness/ Blessed Be Your name/ Every blessing You pour out/ I’ll turn back to praise/ When the darkness closes in, Lord/ Still I will say/ Blessed be the name of the Lord

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